The end of Blub

Writers note:

Many months have passed since SaruSven and Giandalf took that leap of fate together and jumped carelessly into the abyss after some hideous monstrosity *looks happily back on good old days*. Yet all great tales have to have an ending. It seemed that the 2 wizards who have so joyfully mocked one of the greatest stories of the 19^th century (and especially the movie!) were never going to have an adventure anymore. WRONG!

I admit, I never thought I’d take the time to open my laptop again and start writing one of those funny and controversial tales that we all love so much.

Yet this night (must be a full moon) I find the writer’s gene irresistible and I start yet again where we left of….

Through the gates.

Shadowprint leaped over, strode and galloped with a natural elegance between the thousands of bodies clashed together in epic combat. Indeed, the scope was certainly epic, Not in the

longest recess ever recorded did the playground look so crowded. The armies of Blub pitched every available teacher, substitute, janitor or brainwashed Orcil against our own assortment of fighters. Giandalf didn’t have the time however to contemplate the moment and whatever brought us there, time was of the essence! Although the destruction of the “Maigret” would ensure a sizeable portion of Blub’s power to be destroyed and sever it from the magic of the internet (so it can never dominate us again.) The embodiment of blub, it’s avatar in Middle-School so to speak, had to be destroyed. Giandalf knocked down an orcil with his staff and steered on. Giandalf knew that when Gilldo finally throws that infernal book into Mount trash it will be the end of Blub! She will be stopped from tuning in to the weather channel and conjuring up some damned darkness whenever she pleases. Best of all it would be done with the mind controlling of thousands of innocent pupils, broken by french tests and useless tasks which turned them into orcils. The tought of the process made him shiver. “No” he reasoned, “Got to stay focused now.” He made a sweeping motion with his hand and a particular ugly troll was suddenly brandishing a rubber chicken instead of a zero-shaped club. Finally Giandalf reached the lowest part of the Blubdorian gates.

 The gates in itself didn’t look like much, sure they were really big, had barbwire, a moat (on the inside of the complex), sandbags and several autoturrets shooting tranquillizer darts around it, but all and all it looked like a regular school door leading students down an all too familiar hallway to their classrooms.

Here Giandalf whispered something in shadowprints ear, dismounted and joined in the battle.

In no time he had blasted a hole in the group of Orcil defenders nearby and gave signal for an attack. As a small group of attackers answered the call and started to zap Orcils here and there with imported anti-grav guns from Half-Life2 (what are those things doing here? They’re in the wrong story!) a huge fireball erupted high on top of the blubdorian gate. SaruSven could just be seen dangling on one of those purple wizard umbrellas hovering down to where Giandalf stood. “Just blew out the autoturrets” He yelled as he threw a second fireball into the crowd and touched down on his improvised landing patch. Before he could say a thing however an elite group of janitors came hurling down towards them. All wearing hideously stained overalls and threatening them with powerdrills. “Time to go!” Giandalf grabbed SaruSven by the arm and they both disappeared into a bright white light.

 They were standing into a deserted corridor, an unnatural green light shining on their faces, torches casting shadowy figures on the walls and the never ending sound of muffled screams and despair. “All we need now is a nice creepy music theme and we’re cool.” SaruSven whispered. As in reply to his request a hollow voice announced something called ‘Radio Bluberva’ and a monotonous dreary version of ‘La vie en rose’ began to play. “Be careful what you wish for, aargh… think cool, think of a nice song.” Giandalf breathed heavily for a moment then continued, “Ok, I’m fine. How about you?””If you think going into the tonedeaf lion’s den is your version of ‘fine’ I’m wonderful. I wonder how Gilldo is coping with this without his I-pod?” He pulled out the slender white device Linadriel gave Gilldo several months ago and held it out in front of him. “Hope they’re ok… Wait a second! I got an idea.” And SaruSven strode forth through the seemingly empty corridors, Giandalf right behind him. “Why do you think these corridors are so deserted?” Giandalf asked as he peeped around the corner, staff held close in offensive position. “Blub is focusing all it’s energy at the gates, as expected” SaruSven murmered. “If it would figure out we were here we would have several cohorts of orcils on our tail in a matter of minutes, not to mention a nâz-teacher or two. So let us hope it won’t figure out we teleported through the open gate right into it’s backyard.” ”Yeah yeah, it was a brilliant plan, I get it.. you don’t have to repeat it over and over again.” SaruSven teleported a closed door out of it’s hinges and stepped into a small square room. Usually this was where some of the mobile equipment like, cd-players and DVD’s were kept to be used during class. Now it housed one of the most sophisticated machines of torture Blub ever invented: “Radio Bluberva!””Can you…””Way ahead of you.” Giandalf sat down in front of the old 1895 styled radio and began tinkering at it while trying to ignore the sounds of ‘je ne suis pas Parisienne’ the radio spit at him. “If I can put the I-pod on FM-transmit and block the radio in such a way that it only takes it’s ‘music’, if that’s what you can call it, from our FM-band it should….””Yeah, yeah and we know what a genius you are”, SaruSven said sarcastically, “No need to rub that in, huh?”

 ”You do realize we’ll be discovered if we do this?””Doesn’t matter anymore”, SaruSven said, “This is probably a one way trip for us and at the very least we might give Gilldo a better fighting chance.” The two friends looked grimly at each other in silent understanding, then continued on with their work. “I think this should do it, …””Ssst, someone’s coming! Uh ooh, It’s Morniaets!” They crouched in the dark as a short figure glided by wearing black robes, holding a green balpoint in one hand and a dutch grammarbook in the other. In the silence they could hear one tone repeated over and over in the nâz-teacher’s breathing, “nou,… nou,… nou,….”

 For those of you who have never heard of Morniaets, she was once a nice teacher, training young minds to understand the complexities of dutch grammar, but like all of them she succumbed to the power of the nine ballpoints (Not counting the one VC made for herself.) and became the mère-queens left hand. She is an adept in creating confusion, especially when it comes to wiki’s, blogs and other internet stuff! (Yes we suspect our being forced from ‘blogspot.com’ was indeed the work of Morniaets!) But above all, she relishes in inventing the craziest assignements that have droven many a student utterly mad!

 “Well, Well, Well” croaked the voice, “didn’t I BAN all the I-Pods in this institute?” Before Giandalf could even look at the activated I-pod in his hand and say “Oh dear..” Morniaets aimed her green ballpoint at his chest and summoned from it an avalanche of last year’s mozart assignements. As Giandalf was about to suffocate, SaruSven willed the papers to fold themself into paper aeroplanes which turned around and attacked their master. Moniaets incinerated the planes without even blinking but before she could do anything else she was knocked about over half the corridor by SaruSven’s flying magical turkey attack. Meanwhile Giandalf rolled the assignements into a huge paper ball and rolled it over to where Moniaets was crawling back to her feet. Before she even knew what was happening he transformed the paper ball into a giant bowling ball while SaruSven magically increased its momentum. 1 second later one could hear a scream, followed by a tremendous clash and 2 people shouting “Slaaam Dunk!”

 15 minutes later we find he two white wizards by the door to the French classroom. Without further ado SaruSven broke the door down while his companion activated the I-pod. Immediatly the sounds in the hallways changed and under the “Mission impossible”-theme they ascended the last stairs towards the cold and windy rooftops.

 The french classroom, which is one of the highest points in Middle-School had lost its walls a long time ago, the other classrooms adjacent to it had been utterly vaporized, only the stairs remained, together with the door SaruSven just teleported out and 2 pieces of wall where, in between, a green blubbery substance resided.

 Aware of their presence the massive glob turned and faced (what is its front and backside really?) the two wizards. “Prepare to be deleted from this world, Blub!” SaruSven yelled, the sound of his voice nearly unintelligible between the whooshing sound of the smoke and winds circling around the classroom. Before Giandalf could even add to that threat he was hit by a greenish ray and stumbled over the ridge, 24 stories down.

 SaruSven didn’t even have time to take in what just had happened. Blub trembled and shot another blast of pure liquid French towards the wizard, but SaruSven’s shield was already up. Again and again Blub stroke but it only made gentle ripples over the white energy barrier the wizard created. “Any moment now he’ll hover back up here and zaps that idiotic piece of jelly in front of me with lightening bolts just like with the Glennrog. But seconds went by, and nothing happened. “It can’t be…” But at that moment an enormous fire erupted in the distance, Mount Trash was erupting and flaming pieces of garbage were flying everywhere.

“Gilldo made it…”

 In a fit of hope mixed with rage SaruSven lifted the shieldbubble and shot an immensly bright ray of light towards his opponent, it hit in mid-air with a flow of superfluous homework through which it cut like a knife through hot butter. It hit the blubbery substance and started to push it out of its place. Waves of examination fear or confusion did not help, every fiber in SaruSven’s being was set to destroying that vile creature that killed his longtime friend. For a moment images of loss, despair flowed into his mind,… feelings of hurt, inability to cope alone. The beam faltered and Blub slid back between the 2 pieces of wall, feeling smug probably. Then it was hit once more by the same beam, in fact, we assume it’s even overclocked! “Stop messing with my head!” SaruSven yelled. To his utter amazement he vaguely saw a large black hole forming. Just a circular space behind Blub where normal air suddenly became binairy,.. then unbound into nothingness. Blub looked horribly terrified now (we think). “To cyberspace with you!” and with one last effort the 2 walls gave way, and the green menace was sucked right in. The black hole imploded and Blub was never seen or heard of again…

1 year later…

 “So, this is it then? You’re just leaving us?” Tamwise said, looking devastated. “You know why I can’t stay here..” Gilldo said kindly, “Here, I want you to have this.””But that’s your book!, I can’t…” But Gilldo waved the objection away “The last pages are for you Tam.” He said goodbye to his best friend, and to Nicorry, looking almost as distraught as Tamwise.

“I’m ready.” He said as he walked over to Linadriel and SaruSven. The Elf Lady extended her hands in friendship and guided Gilldo through a swirling blue and white portal behind them in which they both disappeared. “So I guess this is goodbye then.” SaruSven said a bit uncomfortably. “I won’t say: ‘don’t cry’, for not all tears are an evil.” A little while later, after the hobbits were all gone, he took out a battered golden digital watch from inside his robes and looked at it. “Now where the devil could he be!” About 20 minutes later another wizard dressed in white robes came from behind a column,… It was Giandalf.

“I’m so sorry I’m late.” He said sincerely and walked up towards the now almost abandoned platform. They needed me at Orthclass, something to do with updating their section about multidimensional portals and black holes… you should see what they’ve done to the place, remarkable!””You missed the farewell!” SaruSven said sternly. “Not really, I met two very sad young hobbits on my way,… you know I’m really going to miss those guys.” After an awkward moment of silence SaruSven whispered, “yeah, me too. C’mon we better go before they close up the portal, I kind of miss home too!””Aah , ‘Home, sweet home’”

And with that said and done they stepped through the swirling mass and vanished, leaving a better world behind…

The Tooks may have been quiet …

They may have seemed to be vanished …

But:

Guess what ?

They’re not …

Coming sooner than you think …

(Because of several accuracy problems and because we wanted to introduce several new jokes we decided to change the order of 2 chapters in this story compared with the Tolkien counterpart, for that we apologize.)

Let us hunt some Orcil!

Aramax threw away most of the unnecessairy equipment, she fastened penduril around her waist and said to Glenmli. “I will not leave Nicorry to homework and tests. Let’s hunt some orcil!” “Yeessss!!” Glenmli picked up his axe and ran after Aramax who dissapeared in the woods. The 2 hunters ran with all speed, stopping only to sleep or eat and after the first day they hardly didn’t do any of those 2 things anymore! “They are runnin’ … as if tha very whips … of their … masters … were behin’ them.” Glenmli yelled at Aramax, while puffing and trying to keep up. Aramax halted and looked around a corner. All she could see where corridors upon corridors upon corridors, it seemed endless. “2 days and nights pursuit … no food … no rest … and no sign of our quarry … then what bare tiles can tell!! I’m tellin’ ya Aramax, something’s wrong here … something gives speed to these foul beasts … and sets his will against us.”

Aramax looked at her exhausted friend, then she watched through a window and noticed a small group making it’s way across the playground. “They are taking him to IsenClass! … VC … ” she said gravely. “We have them cornered now, they are running towards those trees there, they won’t escape!” “AAArgghh” Glenmli moaned, “I’m wasted on corridor-running, we dwarves are natural sprinters!”

The Grey Teacher:

They chased after the Orcil-high and entered the woods on the abandoned playground. “Look! Aramax! Scorchmarks!” Aramax bent over a black spot in the moss, then she lifted her head and spotted some broken branches. “That way…” “Whot happened here?” Glenmli asked, “What madness drove them into these desolate parts of middle school?” “This is what drove them in here.” she pointed over a fallen tree-trunk, “Be carefull Glenmli!” Glenmli slowly walked towards her and peeked over the trunk. “AAAARGH!” He fell on his back swearing and cursing; “While you rascal!, you … you …” Aramax laughed out loud and helped her friend on his feet. “you … you …” “While Glenmli I didn’t know you where so afraid of yourself.” “I’m not!” Glenmli took another glimpse over the trunk, there was a pool of water there and the reflection of a big bearded dwarf that seemed to look right at him. “I just pretended it all, to make you laugh a bit you know, you’ve been all serious ever since we began this chase!” Aramax kept on laughing and now Glenmli couldn’t help but grin at his own ridiculous statement. Suddenly Glenmli’s expression became rigid. “There is something there! A teacher approaches!” Now Aramax began to feel it to; “VC… Do not let her speak, she will place a zero on us.” She took out penduril and waited. Glenmli grabbed his axe, and with his other hand his second axe, his eyes on the third axe hanging on his belt. Both stood frozen until they heard a cracking sound. The teacher was right behind them! “We must be swift,” Aramax whispered. They both turned around. A fierce red light erupted behind the shape of a robed person standing on a hill. Glenmli threw his first axe, which was instantly paried by the teacher and it shattered into tiny bits. Now she aimed her staff at Penduril, the ink in the magical pen began to boil and Aramax had to drop it. The 2 hunters both shielded their eyes from the bright red light, fearing what came next. “You are tracking the footsteps of a goup of Orcil-High,” an unusual deep woman’s voice said. “They passed this way, just 20 minutes ago, they met someone they … did not expect. The hobbit they are carrying is safe at the moment, does that comfort you?”

The 3 hunters:

Glenmli gave a startled expression towards Aramax, they expected certain death instead of idle talk. Something was very odd about this teacher, in fact it couldn’t even be a teacher, teachers can’t wield a staff! “Who are you! Show yourself!” The light vanished and on the hill stood a young woman, about 28 years old, with long black hair and piercing deep blue eyes, dressed in scarlet robes. “It can not be!” Aramax whispered. “Forgive me!” Glenmli said,” I mistook you for a teacher!” “I am a teacher!” The woman said with a soft voice, “Or rather I am as a teacher should be!” “But… you are a witch?” “Yes, I arrived here just moments ago through one of my portals and I found a battalion of Orcil-High in my way, yet I’m afraid they still have the little one. I have come here to take VC’s place, to undo the terrible things she did and help the surviving children.” Glenmli muttered in himself, “So 2 of our friends die and they just send a replacement witch…” “Giandalf? SaruSven? They are not dead” Aramax leaped on the hill. “Not dead?, but they fell!” “Through stench, and water. From the lowest basement to the highest classroom they fought the Glennrog of Myleroth. Until at last they smote down their enemy and blasted him through the blackboard.” The witch rummaged in her robes (No wonder they didn’t notice at first she was a witch, she cloaked her presence with those odd-coloured robes!!) and took out an oldfashioned gold clock. “They should reach Edoclass about now.” She jumped of the hill and walked through a half-hidden path between the trees, “This way, or do you want to risk the orcil-high reaching IsenClass before we reach them?” She took off at an amazing pace, a startled Glenmli and Aramax behind her. Then she stopped, causing the other 2 to bump into her. “Where are my manners!” She turned around, “I am Daxie The Grey, though I think it is hard for you to notice. And I come here to you now, at the turn of the tide…” She added in an amusing sort of way. Then she continued. Glenmli looked at Aramax, Aramax at Glenmli. Well this was indeed the most unusual compagnon they could ever imagine…

The host marched on: pupils, gamers, elves and wizards marched through the corridors of doom and entered the dreaded eastern wing of Middle-School. Right in front of them stood the lobby of Minas Entrance. Minas Entrance is the home of the Naz-Teachers: a place where tests are wrongfully corrected and where the coffee-machine of doom supplies them. But no longer. Aramax, Giandalf and Sarusven rode into the corridor towards the dark lobby and collapsed it. Any Naz-Teachers would now be locked in there until judgement day, with only the spluttering coffee-machine of doom to keep them company… Soon after this small victory they reached the black gates of Blubdoor. The host gathered on the small playground before the high black gates and waited… Aramax looked around, the crowd was restless.. although there was no fear in their eyes, it is always hard to wait for battle. “Let’s get it over with!”: she said to her companions. Giandalf nodded and together they turned their horses towards the gates, SaruSven, Glenmli, Eostynn, Daxie and Nicorry in their wake. They halted right in front of it. Aramax looks up and yells: “Let the teacher of the dark French come forth! Let justice be done upon her!” As if in reply the gates opened and a dark figure rides out to meet them. This was no Naz-Teacher, since there was no aura of anxiety and examfailure around it. But who then could it be? The figure halts in front of Aramax, it had no eyes although it seemed to be looking right at her. It’s mouth was huge, with razorsharp teeth and some sort of markings around the helmet it wore (V(-1/0)). The most disturbing thing they could see was a long, sharp geometric triangle hanging from it’s belt. There was something reddish dripping of it… “My mistress, Blub the great, bids thee welcome.” It smiled in a most gruesome way. As soon as SaruStrike heard the weird accent in which it spoke he whispered to Giandalf: “Another math teacher…” “Definatly, and it looks like it’s the Triangle herself. ” “The Triangle of Blub?, the most ruthless and strict math-teacher of all?” SaruSven asked.

“Yes, no doubt about it, I wonder what it has to say.” The triangle, in the meanwhile, got annoyed and asked: “Is their any in this rout with enough marks to treat with me?” It’s head turned to Eostynn. “No definatly not you.” “We do not come to treat with Blub, chaotic and accursed.” Giandalf stated, “Tell your mistress this: The armies of Blubdoor must disband, she is to depart this school never to return!” The triangle clearly looks amused after Giandalf’s answer: “Aah, old greybeard. And you brought your friends too… I have a token I was bidden to show thee.” It rummaged through it’s robes and showed the fellowship Gilldo’s favorite I-pod (the one he got for his 35th birthday). Glenmli sighs in defeat, SaruSven looked horrified and Nicorry started to shout: “Noo! Gilldo!!” “Be silent!” Giandalf interjects sharply. “Aaah.” The triangle grinned: “The halfling was dear to thee I see.” and it tossed the I-pod to SaruSven who despite his shock caught it. “Know that he suffered greatly at the hands of his hostess, who could have thought one so small could endure so much homework and tests? And he did Giandalf, he did… ” Aramax slowly begins to ride towards the Triangle. “And who is this? Valydurs heir?” Aramax’s horse is now right next to the triangle’s, who continues it’s speech: “It takes more to make a queen then a broken Elvish Pen!”Aramax pulls out Penduril and stabs it into Triangle’s chest. The Triangle grasps and falls to the ground…dead. Glenmli muttes to himself “Well I guess that concludes negotiations.” Aramax turns toward the fellowship: “I don’t believe it!” she says, “I will not!” Then the gates of Blubdoor crack open again and a great army of orcils starts to pour out. Aramax and the others turn their horses and ride towards their own army. The great battle … begins!

Arrivals and Videocards

All was quiet in Isenclass, the children were playing happilly on their pc/tree-hybrids. Field were green, games were all around and it looked like those blue skies would never go away, when all of a sudden a “Pop” was heard. Some of the children looked up in total amazement. There stood a real grey wizard over there!!! SaruSven looked around: “Oef” he thought “all is normal here.” And he was quite right, having seen the destruction of most classrooms or playgrounds, he was relieved that this one was unharmed. A great number of children ran towards him and started pulling his robes.
“Mister, is it true that you invented the Quantum GT X-force videocard 6000?!!.” “yes but….” “WAUW!!” the child yelled “hey guys, come take a look It’s the inventor of the Quantum GT X-force videocard 6000″ ” Ow dear, here we go again” he sighed and…. he was gone. “where did he go?” a little girl asked. There was a great deal of “Ooooh” and “Aaaawww” and dissapointed faces (quite sad actually). One of the boys leaned against a Pc/tree and sat down. As he sat down he saw silver blossom twirrling down and he heard a familiar tone on his pc. “New hardware found…” I don’t think there is any need to clarify what had happened… let us just say that the wind of silver leaves and the sound of cheers says enough. ( Not to mention that the pc’s were now working with 2048 MB of DRR3 ram, at a frequency of 2500 Mhz and a memory clock-rating of 1200 Mhz, powered by 2400 pixel-pipelines and 5050 vertex-shaders (isn’t magic wonderfull?)) As for SaruSven?
He reappeared at the edge of the woods and walked quickly over the fields towards the great doors of Orthclass ….

VC Of Many Colours

As SaruSven approached the massive doors of Orthclass a teacher clad in multicoloured robes stepped down the solid metal stairs:”Smoke rises from the Mountain of Trash, the hour grows late and SaruSven beams to Isenclass seeking my counsel. For that is why you have come is it not?… my old pupil.” The Teacher smiled weakly as she said it.

SaruSven stood now face to face with the teacher. He took a good look at VC (one of the last remaining guardians of pupils in Middle-School, the others had turned to darkness either by their own will, or enslaved by the books of control they got from Blub.)

But there was something different about her, the robes for once: they turned a different shade of colour every time she moved. At some point SaruSven just couldn’t help but ask:”Some fashion change?, don’t you think it’s a bit dangerous for the children… eppillipsy attacks and all.” At the sound of the word white, something seemed to change in the expressionless face of VC. “White?, BLAH!! What is white? The white essay can be filled in, the white robe can be dyed, the white light can be broken.” “Actually” SaruSven interjected; “I invented a way to bend light a long time ago, there’s no need to breake it.” At this response VC’s face turned weary. “Come inside.” She turned on the spot and silently climbed the stairs towards Orthclass. SaruSven followed but suddenly felt alarmed.. maybe it wasn’t so normal here?… As he walked through the great doors he heard a schoolbell in the distance. “But” and he turned in alarm; “that’s impo…”. VC jumped in front of him and quickly closed the doors, blocking him from the outside view. “Keep moving.” Now SaruSven knew it for sure.. something was definatly wrong here…….

The Upstairs Study

VC led SaruSven to her study. She sat down in the big seat behind her desk, offered SaruSven an adjecent chair and poured out some wine. “Want some? it’s a fine year..” (She had turned to her expressionless state again) “No thx.” VC shot a curious look at him then said: “what brings you to OrthClass, like I said before: I don’t think you came here for a social call?” “No, The Nine have crossed the river Isen on Mid-Sommers Eve.” Or so Giandalf told me, “We were concerned about the children here, that is why I came.” “Giandalf?” And VC definatly scowled.”That that no-good pupil has ever made it to wizard I will never know!. He barely made it through my tests!! Giandalf Test-failer, Giandalf the joker, Giandalf the silly boy!!!” SaruSven kept a calm face although if he could he would’ve tossed a fireball at VC. “He might’ve only just passed your tests, but he is a great wizard. And like so many others his magic can’t be explained by stupidly filling in tests!!” VC pretended she didn’t heard that, “It doesn’t matter, he played his part… but now tell me, for again, if you needed a checkup you could’ve just send a messenger. What is on your mind?” It was something in her voice that eased SaruSven a bit.. although later it seemed that she had used the powerfull magic of some charm spell on him.. but nevertheless SaruSven began his story about the finding of the one maigret and how he send Gilldo and Tamwise Delarries on their mission…

The Treachery Uncovered

“So the book of power has been found.” VC muttered. “Indeed it has”, SaruSven Said “but there is still time, time enough to counter Blub if we act quickly.” “Time?, didn’t I already told you the hour was late? As always you come to my class way after the bell has rung. Blub has regained much of her former blubbiness, she can not yet take fluid form. But her spirit has lost none of it’s potency. Concealed within the fortress of Blub-â-dûr. Her radioactive rays pierces clouds, dictionnairies, shadow and tests. She is excercising all her evil now…soon she will summon an army great enough to launch an assault upon middle school!” “You know this?” SaruSven asked in bewilderment. “How?” “I have seen it” VC jumped to her feet and walked into a large circular classroom. the benches stood in a circle, there was a chest loaded with dictionnairies at one end of the wall and in the middle of the room stood a stand on wich an object lay, hidden under a dark cloth” As VC looked around for her remote SaruSven (who immediatly recognized the object) said warningly: “a palazer is a dangerous tool VC!, you never know who is sending it’s information, it might be VTM, 5TV or….worse.” and suddenly an imagine appeared in SaruSven’s mind: A long high tower….and on top of it a great blubbery substance, glowing in the light of green rays. In the meanwhile VC sat in her high chair and looked down upon SaruSven. “You did not really think that a pupil could content with the will of Blub? There are none who can!” SaruSven ran for the door but VC lazily pressed a button on her remote and the door shut in front of him. Again SaruSven tried another door, and another until eventually he was locked in. VC continued: “Against the power of the east classrooms, there can be no victory. But my old pupil and helper, if we were to aquire this book of power and find means to bend it to our will” her voice became softer and more sceming: “We ourselves could rule, and finally bring order and homework to those lesser students beneath us!” “Tell me, my old teacher,” SaruSven said with a controlled anger in his voice, “sinds when did VC the WHITE abandon teachings for MADNESS!” “FOOOOL!!” VC jumped straight, took out her red balpoint and blasted SaruSven against the wall and kept him there, suspended 2 meters above the ground while she yelled: “I am not that weakling anymore. I am VC cloudmaker, VC the corrector, VC of many colours!!!

Battle in Orthclass

VC released SaruSven from her spell and he fell to the ground. “So now you have finally shown your true nature,” and with one swift move he trusted his staff forward and sent VC flying through the air. As the teacher crashed into a closet SaruSven leaned on his staff and got to his feet. But on the other side of the room VC squrried to her feet and waved her ballpoint. The chest with dictionnaires flew open and it’s contents (dictionnairies offcourse) hurled themsleves out of the chest and started attacking the unfortunate grey wizard. As a response the wizard turned 360 degrees in a swirling movement, his staff and robes seemed to incinerate and soon he was engulfed in a small tornado of fire. The dictionnairies stopped at the look of any book’s greatest fear and quickly flew back into the chest and closed it. As the small inferno vanished VC threw a desk at SaruSven who only just ducked and missed it by an inch. SaruSven aimed at a nearby closet that sprung to life, sprinted towards VC and swallowed her whole. “Can you not hear yourself!” he pleaded, “You sound just like a spokesmen of Blub! You have been brainwashed by that 5TV propaganda!” “I did not expected you to understand!!” BOEM! the closet exploded into a thousand tiny little bits. “And therefore you…” She trapped SaruSven by binding his arms with a red zero. “have selected…” She pointed her ballpoint at him again and tortured him with images of stress, exams, Seline and other horrible stuff.. “the way of..” She gave one last firm flick of that ballpoint “PAIN!!” under a loud BANG SaruSven was catapulted into the air, and blasted through the many ceilings of the classrooms above. Then all became black before the wizards eyes…. VC looked at her now nearly ruined classroom, her closet was destroyed, her dictonnairies too scared to come out of their chest, a large scorchmark on the floor and a hole in the ceiling… Oh Dear, she said, and I sooo HATE cleaning.

The scouring of IsenClass

SaruSven awoke at the top of Orthclass, at first he didn’t realized what just happened or what he was doing here. Then his senses caught up with him… He needed time to process this, Vc was always eccentric, but to turn to such evil… and by her own accord nevertheless! Slowly he crawled towards the edge of the roof. He imagined that the pain must be terrible, being blasted through the ceilings of 3 classrooms tends to leave a mark. Yet he felt near to nothing. His wounds had healed miraculously. How odd?, yet he had no time for such trifles… he needed to see what was going on… he needed to know where those awfull noises came from. Then he saw it. The Orcils of Blub had been unleashed on the peacefull place he saw just hours ago. It was a terrible sight. The orcils destroyed game-disks with diamond rods, they replaced the gameboxes with pocket versions of Van Dale: English edition, They downloaded RAM-eating, program absorbing virusses before burning the Pc/trees to the ground. Not a single silver blossom was found anymore. The children were rounded up and chained onto benches where they were forced to learn English while drogued! They became the Orcil-High. Brainwashed until their previous life was erased. Eventually they became even more vicious then the Orcils of Blub (stronger too). Yet SaruSven noticed one thing between all the horror. Some of the children that ran into the west part of the woods never came out. Orcils poured into that part to catch them….but came out empty handed. Another thing was that the spreading virusses hardly affected that part…some sort of firewall was erected…. but by whom?

“Do you like my changes?” A mocking voice asked behind him. “Actually, if I were you I’d fire my outdoor decorator.” SaruSven replied. Apperantly VC didn’t like his cheeky answer becouse the next moment he was flying over the rooftop and landed rather roughly in the middle of it. As the grey wizard looked up he saw that VC didn’t use her ballpoint anymore….but his own staff. “Yes”, she said: “I always wanted one of these… ironic isn’t it, being tormented by your own staff.” She magically dragged him over the floor again, until he was hanging suspended in mid air his feet barely touching the edge of the roof. VC turned him over so he would face her and not the ground wich was about 150 meters below. “Tell me where they took the One Maigret and I will let you live.” she said. Suddenly SaruSven became aware that something heavy just materialized in his pocket. VC was losing her patience now. She waved the staff and SaruSven keeled over and fell face down on the hard Classroom roof. The wizard slowly felt in his pocket…and when he felt the object… he smiled. Quickly he stood upright and said “There is only one Lord of Maigret, VC, and she does not share power!!” He leaped towards her, yanked his staff out of her hands. and jumped of the roof.

The Flight

VC looked bedazzled. She ran towards the edge of the roof and below she saw… the back of a HUGE eagle shaped paraglider. “GET HIM!” she yelled towards her orcil archers below…before he gets away!!” As the magically enhanced voice bellowed orders SaruSven was well on his way out….but he’d never make it. It was a cold winter night and he was losing height at a horrific rate. Instead he instinctivly turned towards the only spot he just might reach…. The trees at the west corner. Orcils yelled, arrows flew past,..just a few meters now. He was flying low over the treetops. Then without knowing why he released the glider just when his feet touched the first treetop… he fell through the thick branches and leaves. He felt branches cutting him everywhere, he was certainly going to break his neck or something. He saw a Dazzling green light and then he hit the ground. But not the relatively hard ground in Isenclass, but a soft moss and leaf covered one. Slowly he opened his eyes. The sun was shining through golden leaves. Blossoms twirrled everywhere. Then two arms heaved him to his feet. He grabbed his staff turned around in defense and …. “Giandalf?”

There he stood, a tall wizard clad in the same grey robes as his, with a grey pointy hat, leaning on his wooden staff. “Where Am I?, What are you doing here?” SaruSven asked amazed. Giandalf smiled and just said: “Welcome to Lothgamien.”

As you might know in the REAL Lord of the Rings the fellowship of the ring was constantly followed by a creature called Gollum (or Smeagol).
In The Lord of Maigret the fellowship of Maigret is followed by a similar creature called Glennum Schnitzmol (based on the maker of proggieweb!!)
Now from this point forward you will find subtle hints and references throughout our stories that point to Glennum Schnitzmol. He will most of the time be recognised by the blazing red hair he has. Can you find him in all the stories??

If you’re looking for a more serious challenge you can also try to find all the magic of Lady Linadriel wich provides aid to the fellowship (mostly very green magic). These can be very subtle and unexplainable things like the weather clearing at JUST the right moment. Or someting amazingly obvious like an animated sword that tries to drive Glennum away from the fellowship. =)
When you’re absolutely convinced you’ve got one of these locations, send your answer to crazytooks@telenet.be
The first references will occur in the week of 28 june. Have Fun!!

Merry and Pippin.

The Machinery of VC:

This small story begins in the dungeons of Orthclass. VC was just inspecting her latest victims, students, cheaters and friends of those blasted Void-followers. She had chained them to their desks where they were forced to learn and study and by VC’s demonical english lessons they were brainwashed. They became the Orcil-High. Very different from the Orcils of Blub!, because these were brainwashed with English, the Orcils of Blub were brainwashed with french. English created more loyal and able warriors (or slaves!). One clever pupil managed to escape and ran for the door. VC just stood there watching as the Orcil guards couldn’t stop him. She gave a deep sigh and , in a flash, she shifted herself through space in front of the pupil. BANG! VC gave him a headbutt, with her o-so-famous diadem (wich was nothing more than a rusty spiked headband ) to remember for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, that life wouldn’t stand for more then, let’s see, …. 5 seconds. As the Pupil lay there crawling in pain on the floor VC said: “Trying to get away, hmm. Oh, now I need to clean my diadem again. And you know how I hate cleaning, don’t you. My dear!” The pupil looked horrified. VC waved her hand and in a green flash the pupil was sent to essay-land? The orcil-guards stopped, became silent for a moment and those that had a hat, took it of for a second. VC scurried them away: “There will be NO compassion for the enemy, my dears!!” she said. The Orcil-guards quickly ran for their posts! Fearing a similar fate! VC looked pleased: “One more cargo of lazy followers and I’ll have an army big enough to launch an attack upon Middle-School” She started laughing maniacally. In her classroom she sat down behind her desk still enjoying herself. She took a remote and zapped to the security channel on her Paleser (wich was just a big Zero-shaped eraser.) As she was skimming through the security camera readouts she saw the most dreadfull thing! The fellowship had escaped her flying dictionnairies and were now heading towards the Pellenor playgrounds over the slopes of Smithadras!! (not the peak as in “The Glennrog of Myleroth” the slopes were the rooftops on the second level under the classroom of Smithadras.) VC quickly looked in her robes for her cellphone, then she remembered that the damn things wouldn’t be invented for over 20000 years and gave orders to the Orcils at the door to bring the Nymfomaniac Zenwâe to the top of Orthclass and command her to block the fellowships path. VC had captured Zenwâe’s mate and imprisoned him in the classrooms beneath Orthclass. As was the custom with Nymfomaniacs they were like sheep without their mate. So although Zenwâe didn’t WANT to hurt the fellowship, she had to, because this sexloving creature was under VC’s control!

Nowhere to go:

In the meanwhile the fellowship was hurrying over the rooftops of Smithadras, an abyss on one end, a concrete wall on the other. When suddly Glenmli halted. “Are you tired, Master Dwarf?” SaruSven said teasingly. “No you rascal” Glenmli said “Their is a bitchy voice in the air!, I can tell, it sounds just like my Seventh wife!!” “It’s VC!!” Giandalf yelled “She’s using a Nymfomaniac!” “Well then we must go back!” Glenmli said! “NOOO!!” SaruSven held up his staff and started yelling at the bitchy voice: “Moktdagewegze Ghij Ohnoosell trezebeesoum”

And the voice replied:
Anorexia aiaiaai Come fatih oh yea, we bangbang en tralalaaaa Oeeioei I pregneroum, enn it’s UNWANTED!!

At the sound of “unwanted” a giant condom struck the upstairs classroom and the walls of Smithadras crumbled and fell down. Giandalf and SaruSven where only just able to conjure up a giant “PILL” to protect the fellowship. GRRMBL, CRASH aaah BANG preciouss RRRUUMBLE, as the avalanche crashed down upon them. When All the debris had fallen in the abyss, the pill vanished and they looked up. From the upstairs classroom only a blackboard could be seen. “We should’ve taken a different road. “Giandalf muttered. “We could go through the caves of Jomia” Glenmli offered “My people have taken that area from the enemy and have been hiding out there for years. We will be welcome there.” “It is TOO dangerous!” SaruSven yelled. “Let the Bookbarer deside!” Giandalf said calmly. All eyes turned towards Gilldo. He swallowed then said: “We will go through the caves of Jomia!”
“So be it….” SaruSven tought.

We will now wave away all the rumors about SaruSven and Giandalf’s death.
They did not die. (bad news for Proggieweb!!, the war continues!!)

No, they paid a brief visit to cyberspace (afterlife). Why cyberspace? Because the stories are based upon a made-up faith called “The Void” (he is the God of Cyberspace and everything that has to do with computers.) and he has a sister called Dell, our pc-Matron (or Game-matron since she is the Lady of all games). You will hear these names frequently throughout “The lord of Maigret” since it is actually a battle between the evil forces of school: Nâz-Teachers, The Great Blub… and the followers of the Void: (E.G. Giandalf and SaruSven). Now, as you know teachers are people (excuse me: creatures!!!) with great power. The Nâz-Teachers have but to wave their hand and you are locked forever in essay-land where you will have to do homework for no marks at all, for the rest of your life under the allseeing eye of Mr. “The Wild”. This is also what will happen if the “One Maigret” falls into the claws of the great blub! On their little excursion Giandalf and SaruSven met our Game-matron: Dell (the void was still sleeping) and she used her extroadinairy powers and cheatcodes to triple! (yes TRIPLE!!) The 2 wizard’s power… they were also given an intire new and more powerfull array of spells, based on their old ones. (compare Giandalfs lightningbolt in “The Glennrog of Myleroth” with the one from “The Mère-Queen of Lâtmar”, you will find he has a great deal more control over it, not that he can’t controle the wheater on a massive scale, ha can still do that as well) and are now equals in power with all the Nâz-Teachers (in some occasions even higher in power!). So they can not be send to essay-land with a wave of a hand (or claw).

From that moment on, they were both White Wizards and were sent back by FTP-Protocol until their task was done…

PS: for a copy of “the ten commandments of The Void” (our guidlines) click here

now enjoy the Glennrog of Myleroth =)!!
Pippin and Merry

Well, not REALLY counterstrike (the game I mean ), you’ll have to ask Pippin about that!
Well I’ll get straight to the point!, We are at war!!! A pupil from our class has declared war upon us by opening a Counterblog (thinking he can become as good as us probably)…
Well, to get at LEAST our own class and school on our side (some sort of uniting against evil)
I will from this moment on, do the MASSIVE work of copying our stories and set a link underneath each ENGLISH story that will take you to….. a DUTCH one.
Now this is very tiresome work and I hope many will appreciate it…

So, We will unite against Proggie’s Web or we will fall….

Greatings!!!!

Merry!!

Tonight!, the land will be stained with the bytes of proggieweb!, Go now!, march to Proggieweb! leave nothing undeleted!,…TO WAR!!!! There will be no dawn for Proggie….

You will taste proggieweb bytes !!

Not in inches, centimeters, or somthing like that, though…
The Crazy Tooks exists for a week by now , and allready have we welcomed guests from China, America, London, and even Singapore!
Anyone who wants to know the exact numbers:

Click here

Off course, it’s not that much, but we, little hobbits we are, are very pleased with numbers like this!
That’s why we thank you very much, and invite you to come back regulary, to check our newest adventures!

Now, let’s have a pint! =D ( yes, really, they come in pints !! )

Merry and Pippin.